Just Thoughts ~ Reconnecting....

These last few days has taught me a lot...I've had a huge sense of deja' vu. I'm feeling closer to God, relying on faith to see me through. Am I where I want to be? No...But I see where I'm trying to be. Sometimes you have to take the time to realize what you think you are suppose to be isn't necessarily what God has in stored for you to be. In life,  in relationships, in the the work place, things aren't always what they seem. Some things won't become as clear to you until you are older. In my case, a lot older. I'm still learning. It feels good to be able to slowly reconnect with one's self. I'm finding out things about myself that both pleases me and at the same time disappoints me. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I chose to take it a day at a time. I'm still hot-headed. And no, I'm not approachable. But I still have those strong family values and yes I do know what love feel like. Did it burn, of course. Do I wish I can change some things in my past? Well of course. Will it be easy to have the ability to shout the pain out from the roof top of an old building and not feel anymore? Well, yeah. I realized I'm helping somebody. I'm giving them a window. Something to see....you're not alone...it's someone out there, rather you know them now or not, who's going through the same thing as you...who feel so outside of themselves, they don't know where to point the GPS to start the search......there's someone who just want to believe, to know that everything will be alright...that life does go on....that the pain does start to heal at some point....am I all patched up? Nowhere near so...But the antibiotics are starting to kick in for sure....reconnecting isn't for everybody but sometimes even a prideful, strong person like myself need to just let it flow......love God, love thyself....the rest will come as it should....time is your friend, not your enemy.......tell them you care...small words can have the biggest impact.....just like three little words we all know.....

Just Thoughts ~ To my future Mini-Me

I'm getting older so I've been thinking more and more about you. Wondering what you will look like? Will you be like me? Will you like sports? Be an active kid? I wonder what you will sound like. How you will get here? If I'll have to prepare myself because Lord knows I was a crazy kid. *chuckles* I wonder how many more years I have to wait until I meet you face to face. I already know you in my dreams, watching you grow a little more each time. I know you'll be smart with my blood running through you. I wonder if you're like Math as much as I do or English. I hope you know that you're going to be better than I ever will be in this lifetime. I hope I can live up to the hype and be the best parent you can ever dream of having. Yes, we're going to have our ups and downs but that's what it's all about. You going to hate me some times but you'll love me even more. Some people are going to treat you wrong and outrightly disrespect you but always remember to brush it off, God and I got your back for life. See what I'm trying to say is even through we haven't met in flesh form yet, I'm falling in love with you more and more each day.

Just thoughts ~ A Miss Opporunity...

So I had the day off work today (sick day with pay)...had a doctor's appointment on my knee...been waiting it out for so long decided to go get it down...good news is that the inside of my knee joint is fine...bad knees is the damage is done where the muscle and bone meets on the outside of the knee joint...after two shots of steriods to the knee...it was painful but i took it like a champ...i will say this, i've never seen needles that long before in my life : ( I'm ordered to do some intense physcial therapy and to come back to the doctor in three weeks to see if my knee has made any process...if not, then it's more steriods for me and under the knife it goes.....not looking forward to that....so i got this numbing meds put into my knee that the doctor told me will wear out and when it does my knee will give out and i will fall...so i figure i had some times since he said it take hours to clear up...on the way to school, the bum knee gave out on the bike, i fell. i inteaded up bruising my left side a little. i missed class so had to try to hurry  home and email my prof my homework and explain why i wasn't in class...we get new projects today so i miss an opporunity to find out what was going on...sometimes things does not work out as plan...the bum knee was suppose to go hours from now...hope my prof accepts the homework...off to soak my bruise body in the tub for a hour....:(

Just Thoughts ~ bulding a business, a new family....

I feel refresh and brand new today. Some things about me are going to shock some people in my life, past and present. I know where I'm trying to go and what I need to do to get me there. No more anger at the moment. It's going to be a long process, letting my guard down, giving others some rope to hang on to. Letting people in...well this is what this blog is for. I'm not one to talk about what I'm thinking. I'm thinking of a masterplan. I'm ready. I got my idea in my head, how I want it all to be laid out. Support is what I need. I'm not asking for material support, just a cheering squard..it can be made up on one or many people...just get my back....right now God doing just fine...having a solid person won't hurt either.....got a business to get up and running.....trying to build a family....:)

Just Thoughts~A tie is what I'm hoping for..,

So I was told that I needed to open up and get out more So I've been to the movies twice in the last few weeks to see both Madea's Big Happy Family and FastFive which were both awesome movies to me. Really what makes other people the expert of these things?  If you're not in a committed relationship yourself, then there isn't anything that you will say that I will be willing to hear. Being single has been good and bad for me. Good for it has force me to re-examine myself, to become healthier and learn to do things not just for myself but for others too. Bad because it has force me to realize how lonely I really am as a person and how not in touch with society in my age group I tend to be. I'm an older soul trapped in a young woman's body. The club scene isn't where I'm trying to be. I love to just sit around, talk, listen to some good music, do something activity like hiking or playing football or basketball. Whatever happened to people morals? Maybe I'm just a little too old fashioned, I realize most of friends are men. I need to meet that one good female friend...someone who will challenge me and stick around to finish the game until the end.